I was saddened to read recently of Davina McCall’s split from her husband Mathew Robertson. She recently posted on Instagram and according to the media her face showed signs of tears. I truly feel for her and I know how she must feel this first Christmas. I have many friends who have experienced their first Christmas separated from their partners.
There is not one woman out there who chooses to split from their partner (either a decision made on her own or in conjunction with her partner), who does not feel sadness, guilt, loneliness and anxiety. After all, as humans we form close relationships with our partner and it is pretty scary to find that suddenly you are on your own. As I often told friends, I did not walk down that aisle thinking “well I’ll give this a year”. In fact, in my case I gave it eighteen years. I gave it the sad days, the angry days, the happy days, the joyful days, the stressful days, the “what am I doing here” days and I plodded on. Every day was a new day, a new beginning. Just like many women out there.
But what I am experiencing and see regularly is a sense of change. We no longer want an average marriage, we no longer want to stay together for the sake of the children or the dog, we are scared, we are petrified but we want more. We are realistic – we are not hoping that some tall dark and handsome stranger will whisk us off our feet and away from all of this. No, we are brave, we are strong, and we want happy. We love our ex’s but for the first time in our loves we are going to learn to love ourselves first and put ourselves first.
It’s an unusual British trait – particularly where women are concerned – putting yourself first, caring about yourself before others, doing something for yourself and dare I say it, loving yourself. But the truth is loving yourself and knowing that you deserve more is not a bad thing, it’s a good thing.
If you have recently split from your partner, you are allowed to feel all the emotions and more. Let them flow but my best advice and the only way I got through my own separation is, remember to love. Remember to love all the times you shared and if you can stay friends. It will make everything so much easier in the long run.
Tracey B x