Kicking Depression

I do not suffer from depression.  I fight it – really hard – I REFUSE to suffer as it makes me feel bad and isolated.
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 I go for walks, I meditate, I listen to calm music, I read all the books and I go to the experts to ask for the tools to help myself.   There is one thing I know for sure – it is okay to say you feel depressed – it is okay.  Times are changing and now you can say “Yes I have up and down days”.   I feel dreadful when I am down and when I am down (like the law of attraction) I attract even more rubbish stuff into my life.  For instance, you get up in the morning, you feel low, you feel tired, you do not achieve anything.  You then get a bill you did not expect, someone was rude to you and to top it all that top you really like in your wardrobe has a stain that you never saw before. One of those days or one of those lives?
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I asked a life coach the other day whether depression is genetic, environmental (i.e. nurture) or a “label” attached to anyone with mental health issues.  
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They could not answer and in fact, said it was a good question.  You see, I used to cry a lot as a child of around five and onwards but strangely I never cried as a baby. In fact, my mother used to say “oh you never cried, you were such a good baby” and in fact, my birth records reveal a calm baby who was content (or was that the digestive biscuits that I loved)?
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I have to say when I read those records it made me really think about who I truly am.  One of the best questions, if you truly want an answer to the question “who the heck am I?” is to ask your friends.  If they are truly your friends they will tell the truth.  For my part, the feedback I got was positive, smiling, fun, happy, loving, kind, a good friend.  So, if that was the case, was being depressed really me?
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It was at that point that I decided enough was enough. I was going to kick this depression thing into touch (figure out what caused it) and heal myself.  To do that I needed to be honest to myself and to everyone around me, reveal the real me and connect to the right people who make me feel good about myself but who understand who I truly am.  It’s not been easy – I pretend not – but it’s been worth it.
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Just to say, I am not fixed, I am not perfect, but I am about two-thirds on the way to being the happy bunny that reflects the real me. You see, I like to help others and I can only do that if I am the very best version of me and that means fixing of mind, body and soul.
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As I go on this journey of learning,  I will reveal more about my life – what got me to where I am – the people who have helped me and without whom I would not be here – and why I want you all to follow me on this journey.  My healing will, I hope, help you to heal too.  As one of my dearest friends said to me a few months ago “you are one of the most honest people I know”.  I think that is a good thing as I believe that sharing is caring.  Knowing that you are not alone is key – and I will hold your hand.
With love and here’s to the next blog
Tracey B x