The Lifestyle Concept

Divorce – Don’t play the blame game

Divorce - Don't play the blame gameI was interested and happy to hear that the UK Government has changed the rules on DIVORCE and that from now on, neither party need put the ‘blame’ on the other one in order for a divorce to go ahead.

I think this is a long overdue and much welcomed move. Even the counselling service RELATE were saying how putting blame on either party has a detrimental effect on keeping the relationship amicable, and in particular weighs heavily on the children if there is blame put on either side. As for me, I detested saying anything negative which I had to do in order for my divorce to move forward.

The truth is, no couple who go into the holy unity of marriage want to end up divorced. On that happiest of happy days you imagine a life together that ends the day one of you passes away. But people are people and often incompatibilities manifest that, over time, erode a once loving relationship.  Often, there is not even chance of a reconciliation. However, what you can make sure you don’t do is to play ‘the blame game’.

I know that in my own marriage breakdown, neither of us had a bad word to say about the other. We had, instead, talked amicably and concisely about where it had failed, neither of us putting blame onto the other. In fact, in June 2017 I blubbered down the phone to my ex about how my insecurity and anxiety had, if anything, put pressure on us as a couple, and I apologised for being such a pain in the bum (on occasions!). But in truth, we are the way we are, we are imperfect in our perfection and both of us were right and wrong at the same time.

Sometimes, things don’t work out. In fact, on our last day together, I told my husband how much I loved him, and how I would be forever grateful for all the good times, and that I’d always be his friend for as long as he needed me.

As human beings we like to be wrong to make others right, but honestly, what’s the point?  Who says, one person is wrong and the other is right?

What I’ve learned since separating has made me a better person. I’m thankful for how I’ve been able to grow into a much better version of myself. Acceptance is everything and so empowering.

For a beautiful example of what a break-up feels like check out Fraser Anderson’s new album #LittleGlassBox and the song ‘New York‘ – Fraser has hit the nail on the head with his gorgeous thought-provoking song.

With love,

Tracey B x
Lifestyle Consultant & Blogger