A friend of mine recently shared a brilliant video on how to meet your ‘soul mate’ it was so good I thought I would share and then I will throw in some thoughts of my own.
So, what is the magic formula according to this relationship guru?
No make up
Clear strong boundaries
I am already liking that recipe. It sounds totally doable and achievable, doesn’t it? So how come there are so many dating apps and so many women (and men in fact) seeking their “soul mate?”
Let’s break down each of these ‘desires’ step by step:
Intelligence – intelligence is so subjective and undefinable too. In the ‘old days’ intelligence was a term used for those with academic success, but now other forms of intelligence are recognisable too. My favourites are those who can think out of the box and think deep. People who question things that need questioning and have the emotional intelligence to understand, not only themselves, but others too. I know many fine, intelligent people, who are wise beyond their years but haven’t had the best education. For me, it has to be emotional intelligence that will always win the day.
No make-up – that is a tricky one isn’t it ladies? We love to make our faces up don’t we and we like to take care of ourselves. I have been one of the best/worst at that but I question whether men really care, and I don’t think they do. It truly is about inner beauty. However, until we grow to love ourselves, our make-up will always be our camouflage if you like until we gain the confidence as women to go out bare faced. I look forward to those days.
Clear strong boundaries – that is a hard one. So few people have strong boundaries and end up being people-pleasers, setting rods for their own backs. My best advice is if you mean No, say it and do not back-track. Stand your ground and set firm boundaries in place before the relationship even takes off. Once everyone is clear on what you both want then you can proceed from a much better place.
Maturity – that is a given really, if someone is serious about meeting their soul mate. We all have moments in our lives when we can be quite childish, and keeping a spirt of inner child is important, but on a day-to-day basis, being mature is the way to be.
Quirkiness – I love this! Wow…who would have thought it? Quirky? I would have thought guys would want ‘normal’ whatever that is but, of course who wants normal? I know I don’t want. I love quirky and different. So if you do not feel you are quirky, then maybe it’s time to get your inner quirk on?
On the back of these points, I have a decluttering tip for you too. Many years ago, when I split with my ex, I filled my home with female iconery. Women with red hair, spears, heaving bosoms. It was straight out of a pre-Raphaelite fantasy land but I came to realize one day as I was looking around my room, that I was sublimely putting out ‘negative’ messages. What I was say is that I am okay and don’t need a man, I am protected.
I have since ditched that look and now my home is modern and minimalist. Many items in my apartment are in twos (as in couples) a top Feng Shui tip from my friend @karenputtick.
The big one of course, is loving yourself. “If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect anyone to love you.” How true is that quote? If you are broken inside, it so often shows, whatever mask you wear to hide your pain. Self-love, self-care, whatever you want to call it, it is about loving yourself and that can be a task.
I recommend Louise Hay for self-love, she is the Queen of it, having had a difficult upbringing, she learned to forgive those who hurt her and she learned to become confident and strong, despite the most difficult of upbringings.