While I write this blog I’m sitting in the garden of an old friend. She lives in a cottage in Wilton near Salisbury. Her garden is full of flowers, sweet peas, sunflowers, dahlias, marigolds and hibiscus. These flowers are sitting comfortably with three chickens, an apple orchard, two Jack Russells, oodles of vegetables and the peace and quietness one can feel. My friend’s sitting here reading a book while I write this blog. In my older years, and it’s been a long time coming, I’ve come to value the power of silence and tranquillity.
There was a time when I was almost scared to be alone or shall I say ‘alone’ with my thoughts. A TV, a radio blaring out, anything to distract from what was inside my head. Surrounding myself with distraction was in itself distracting me from the negative thoughts and backchat (as I call it). However, far from bringing the peace I so craved I found my brain becoming more fraught as I struggled with the ‘noise’ and the ‘backchat’. In fact, quite recently I had to leave a bar I was in as so many people were talking all at once and it felt like my brain was being fried!
Around six months ago I decided to conduct a social experiment on myself. One morning I got up early and went for a walk. I did not take my phone, which I would normally have on, playing my music through earbuds. Instead, I went naked. Well, it felt like that! For a full hour no phone, just me and my thoughts. I did not speak to anyone but only smiled as I was in a happy walking all on my own. What I tried to do was to bring my thoughts to quiet so for once I could just enjoy the moment and take all in. It wasn’t easy but after a few attempts, I started to feel more at ease. I then brought the same technique home with me. Sitting quietly, reading a book, no music, no background noise. Just me, my book and I. Although those first attempts felt rather frightening, I found that I had found that I did not need constant noise. I could be, after all, happy in my own space and I could then think clearly or not think of anything at all.
A friend of mine is holding a seminar shortly on why silence is so important and why we need it. It is true to say that I was never happy with silence in the past and I’d want to fill all gaps in my life with noise, quite possibly due to the fear of my own thoughts.
I have discovered that not talking means you are listening and receiving. I now understand that my nervous chatter was just that, nervous chatter which did neither me or the listener any good and filling the gaps made me think I was doing a good job of keeping everyone happy when, in fact, it was saving me from my own thoughts.
It’s early days and I’m no expert at this stuff. That’s why I share my authentic blogs, as I’m as fallible as the next person, and bringing in all methodologies I can learn about to bring in the calm and peace we all crave.
Finally, now that I have found the benefits of silence I feel much more grounded and capable of dealing with the cards I’ve been dealt with called ‘Life’ and how to play the hand.
With my love,
Tracey B x