This one goes out to everyone who has been divorced or is going through a separation right now.
In 2016 I parted from my ex-husband. It was the worst thing that had ever happened in my life and not something I had planned or wished for. In fact, in 2010 I had had a nightmare, dreaming that my ex and I had split. I was so relieved to hear him downstairs. Maybe a psychic premonition? You decide. It freaked me out and my strength of my feeling, made me release that the thought of being single in my 50’s was not something I wanted.
Roll on a few years later and my nightmare was to become my reality.
However, I was the one who forced the decision. I had been unhappy for some time and knew that I would prefer to be on my own than face years of a different kind of loneliness, the loneliness of an empty marriage. It was the hardest thing I had to face. My own reality.
In the subsequent years I was to go through every emotion from feeling liberated to feeling incredibly sad and desolate. I came to realize also how co-dependent I had been. It was much more taxing than I thought it would be and I admit, I have taken years to heal.
Many people come out of marriages and quickly find new love, or at least seek it but I think you need time to heal. It is okay to take your time.
I also was able to speak openly to my husband with love and kindness about where we had gone wrong but what also had been right about our marriage.
For me, I rediscovered the old me and started doing things I had wanted to do for years. Clubbing, festivals, hiking, spiritual development even getting a tattoo at 50 years of age! I do not regret any of it, but I did laugh when I read an article about how many women who divorce in their 50’s gets a tattoo. And there was me thinking I was so unique – turns out not so. here’s what top tattoo artist, Dukanovic, has to say –
“Older women are more likely to want tattoos with meaning. I do a lot of memorial work for women in their 50s and 60s. It’s not for show, and not for fashion … women want pieces that have symbolism or images from their life,” she says.
Whatever you do (tattoo’s aside) and wherever you are on the divorce journey, accept that you have a bit of time to make it through the other side and there is no need to rush. The harmony you seek is within your grasp.
Trust me, I got there in the end